The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.