Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.