Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.