It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.