Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.