If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.