If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.