If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.