Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.