Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.