I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I'm single because I was born that way.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.