It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?