Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

I'm single because I was born that way.