Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

I'm single because I was born that way.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.