I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.