A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.