I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Men are as faithful as their options.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.