To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.