Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Men are as faithful as their options.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
No good deed goes unpunished.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.