The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.