I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.