Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.