Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.