I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.