There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I'm single because I was born that way.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.