I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

I'm single because I was born that way.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.