Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.