The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.