You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I'm single because I was born that way.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Men are as faithful as their options.