It is better to be alone than in bad company.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?