Sex is an emotion in motion.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.