I recommend that the Statue of Liberty be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the west coast.

I sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world.

A toast, Jedediah, to love on my terms. Those are the only terms anybody ever knows - his own.

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'

It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.

Could be worse . . . I could be Sting.

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

Women have the right to work wherever they want, as long as they have the dinner ready when you get home.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

Advice to intellectuals: let no-one represent you.

There are books of which the backs and covers are by far the best parts.

Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus.

All the perplexities, confusion and distress in America arise, not from defects in their Constitution or Confederation, not from want of honor or virtue, so much as from the downright ignorance of the nature of coin, credit and circulation.

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that`s OK - the bat had to get Ozzy shots.

Anyone who attempts to generate random numbers by deterministic means is, of course, living in a state of sin.

Young heads take example of the ancient.

Enthusiasm... the sustaining power of all great action.

Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.

Everyone is born a genius, but the process of living de-geniuses them.

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.