Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.