A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.