I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.