A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Men are as faithful as their options.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I'm single because I was born that way.