The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.