I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.