I'm single because I was born that way.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.