I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.