Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.