With me poetry has not been a purpose, but a passion.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

To wear your heart on your sleeve isn't a very good plan; you should wear it inside, where it functions best.

Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.

Of puns it has been said that those who most dislike them are those who are least able to utter them.

One of the great penalties those of us who live our lives in full view of the public must pay is the loss of that most cherished birthright of man's, privacy.

That which costs little is less valued.

The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action.

Society is now one polished horde, Formed of two mighty tribes, The Bores and the Bored.

But there is only one thing which gathers people into seditious commotion, and that is oppression

Who the hell wants fourteen pairs of shoes when they go on holiday? I haven't had fourteen pairs in my life.

The English contribution to world cuisine - the chip.

If the misery of the poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin.

I like to think of myself at home in the armchair, writing, smoking and occasionally wandering down the shop.

Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.

I just want to retire before I go senile because if I don't retire before I go senile, then I'll do more damage than good at that point.

Wine is wonderful stuff. But so many people are put off by the snobbery of it.

How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.

The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.

I think we're having fun. I think our customers really like our products. And we're always trying to do better.

Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.