What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.