The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.