Men are as faithful as their options.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!