If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.