I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.