It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.