There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.