What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.