Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.