I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.