I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
It is better to be alone than in bad company.