My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.