I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.