You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money