Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

I'm single because I was born that way.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.