Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.