He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Men are as faithful as their options.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.