Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

I'm single because I was born that way.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.