May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.