I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.