I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.