Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'