Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.