My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.