Men are as faithful as their options.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.