Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.